The Hope Buckets

Do you ever struggle with wanting to be real and wanting to be healed? Sometimes I do. Even though I realize the two go hand in hand. I used to shy away at times with being raw and revealing a tattered version of myself because in those moments of transparency and vulnerability – I show … Continue reading The Hope Buckets

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Depression: The days no one talks about.

We all know that fun-loving girl who loves to get a crowd laughing. She isn’t above embarrassing herself to create joy, laughter and bonding with others. Connecting with others causes a euphoria, a false high to bottoming out lows.  The connection and camaraderie feeds her soul. Communication, sharing, and involvement makes her feel heard, necessary … Continue reading Depression: The days no one talks about.

We got married on New Year’s Eve. In our living room, wearing slippers.

My son and daughter stood beside me, and his son stood beside him and at about a quarter to midnight we shared vows that held more meaning and love then ever uttered by either of us before. We counted down with our friends to midnight and shared our forever kiss under our chandelier, in my $20 Ross Dress For Less dress, wearing our slippers in our very own living room. My heart was finally home.

Why I added my stepson into an old photograph.

This photo now shows all that it had before and so much more. It isn't just the addition of another person; it showcases life. Real, down to the nitty-gritty life in all it's glory and differences. It shows dedication, commitment and choosing each other - even on the really difficult days. The days when people who have been blessed in not experiencing the blending of two families, will almost always misunderstand us. The days when I'm told I will never be his "real" mom because he has a biological mother already. The days he is told he is not my "real" son because I didn't give him life. Those are the days we choose each other more and now we are very much mother and son.

The Man That Stays.

The love of a lifetime is worth at least a million tries. I still believe this. Now, let me preface this with saying, no, I don’t think he loved me enough for the both of us or that I think someone has the capability of loving us back to normal. But what I am saying is that while I was learning what real love was and commitment meant, what it entailed, and the seriousness of my vows made to him – I also saw the person in myself that he was choosing to love each day.