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Two P’s in a Poop

I got suckered in. That is how it happened.

I’m sure the same has happened to you as you scroll through your newsfeed on Facebook and some silly post catches your eye. For me, it was – – type your name into Google with “is a” after it and see what comes up. Clearly I was avoiding working and jumped right on this humor train. Typing it in, I dreamt up all the cool possibilities, Jessica is a Rockstar, Firecracker, Comedian, maybe even a Genius…but nope, I got, Jessica is a poop. Too bad the search terms weren’t “is the” instead of “is a” but some day I will be the poop, it is a dream I will keep striving for.

Somewhere it amused me just enough to recruit my house husband to do the same and see what the google gods would spit out. Matthew is a poopyhead, is what we got. Jessica is a poop, and Matthew is a poopy head.

“Of course you would be the head poop, because you are so bossy” I say to him as I am flicking him – well poop. Then it hits me “We are two P’s in a poop, you know like two peas in a pod, but poop, oh my goodness there is two p’s in poop – get it?” At this point I am dying laughing, and he is laughing solely because I have obviously cracked myself up – and every time I say something funny, I follow it up with, “get it?” to which he always replies – “Yes, I got it!” Ah, this man gets me every time.

Goofiness is next godliness, it far surpasses cleanliness – trust me. Although, there was that one time they all collided at once.

Early one morning, I thought I’d slip into the shower and surprise Mr. Poopyhead, I just didn’t realize the kind of slipping that would be involved. At the time I slipped in, he was fully soaped up, and as soon as he turned, and saw me, he slipped and slid trying to maintain balance, which at that moment was none at all, and before I knew it, he was on his back half in and half out of the shower – with a look of humiliation and “why would you do that” all over his face. I DID NOT LAUGH, but I wanted to, so badly. Reaching for a place to grab to help him up was tricky, but we did manage it. After he dried off, he says to me “I bet that would of been funny to watch” and I erupted with the laughter I had held in. He quickly followed with “I’m guessing this will be on your page later, huh?” And, I fell in love with him a little more.

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When you like someone, it’s cool, but when you like and love someone – its far better. His bad days are my bad days, and vice versa. When he wakes up cranky, I’m not above dancing naked and being a goofball to make him laugh. Or waiting until he gets all dried off from a shower to spray him with the shower hose, or after he washes all the soap off – to either rub my soapiness on him, or just squirt the bottle of soap all over his back. One thing I don’t do is sneak into the shower anymore. In fact, I loudly announce now that I am joining him, and to stop soaping up!!

We have fun, we laugh, we enjoy each other, and if I had to choose who to be two P’s in a poop with, its him, hands down every time.

What else can possibly fit in this kids ear?

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It is important to mention I have zero medical educational training, besides a medical terminology course which means nothing. Any of my friends can vouch that 98% of my medical knowledge stems from a pain or abnormality that sends me to WebMD resulting in a self diagnosis or some sort of terminal cancer – which in reality was just a simple illness.

The other night my son came out of the shower holding his hear saying it hurt. If you read my previous blog “Mommy I don’t feel so good” you’ll remember he is the only one who was spared by the awful flu. Of course it now makes sense for him to get sick, as we are all well again! Either way, I warm up a heat pack, give him two children tylenol meltaways and let him get in my bed. Within twenty minutes he is in complete tears – and truly in horrible pain. I swear to you, earaches and toothaches are the devil, and they are not time sensitive or friendly! When those two pains hit – they hit hard!

Of course we had nothing that we needed, and it was after 9pm, so I turned to pinterest, in hopes of a home remedy for earaches and there were many. You can wound up crushed garlic in a cloth and place in the ear, or make a onion paste with onion powder and water and cake it on the outside of the ear – I tried both…smelled delicious, but didn’t work. A simple post of my facebook wall resulted in many tried and true home remedies.

By then end, and following a quick trip to the store by “boyfriend wonder”, we tried, tylenol, warm pack, garlic, onion paste, melted vapo-rub lightly placed on the inside of the ear (burned), peroxide and olive oil warmed with crushed garlic. The garlic infused olive oil worked! And we slept after what seemed like the longest three hours OF MY LIFE! My son is attached to every possible spot of my heart strings, he cries and my heart literally crumbles, and I stress..I am such a complete stress case! In fact, I don’t know how many times I was talked out of running my son to ER by “boyfriend wonder”, for an earache. I just wanted him fixed and to please stop crying…PLEASE…GOD…STOP… CRYING! I feel pretty confident in my mothering skills for the most part, but I can tell you when it comes to incessant crying without the ability to fix it, whining, or repetitive noises, I stress and do anything I can to make it stop including trying fifteen home remedies you could make a delicious meat rub with!!!

Now, that we are all better I wanted to share how to make the garlic infused olive oil incase your kiddo get sick at the most in opportune time, and hopefully saving you a trip to your doctor or the ER if you are anything like me.

Heat up 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil
1 clove crushed garlic
3 minutes over medium heat
Steep together until cool
Strain oil through strainer, removing the garlic
Tilt head 180%
With a dropper place 2-3 drops in inflamed ear
Put in the affected ear while laying down
Let the mixture seep in the ear for a few minutes

And viola! Or at least hopefully viola..in our case it was! See you soon following our next mommy emergency, meltdown or humorous encounter.

Jess~

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