You’ve got it all wrong…. and I don’t care if it pisses you off!

I saw a post, you know one of those funny ecards that we all love so much. The ones that say what we are thinking, but are to afraid to just say it. This one at first I thought I liked, but then I realized its wrong, and maybe that’s what holding Step-parents back from really loving their kiddos.

The saying ” When you selflessly love more than you ought…you’re a Good Stepmom”.  It shouldn’t be your a good stepmom, it should be your a good person. There is no correct amount of love for a child, except Unconditional, always, no matter whose birthing canal they got pushed out of! It actually makes me a little heated thinking of it. Is this why there is such a stigma behind Step-moms, because we think we go above and beyond? That we deserve more and better because we love a child that isn’t biologically ours? That is flat out RIDICULOUS!

We are amazing, and stand above the rest, because we endure if anything the ex-spouses, both stepmoms and stepdads. I never look at my SS and think “wow sometimes its hard to love you”, or “you should be thankful I pushed my love tank a little too passed empty for you today”??? Because, if that’s the category I am in, I am OUT!

I look at my SS and I want to kiss him, to snuggle him, to play with him. I want MORE time with him, MORE memories, MORE everything. I hate when he goes home, I miss him terribly, he is my heart, and not because I married a man with “baggage” but because I got the “Package Deal” !! My kiddos and I got a wonderful man, a great stepfather for them, and a funny, sweet, loving little brother and son.

Maybe the kids are the ones that are awesome, great and fantastic, for loving more than one Mom, or more than one dad, or loving siblings that they just are forced to get to know.

More of my thankfulness comes from the fact that this little man, chose to love ME, chose to give me a chance, to trust me, to feel safe with me, because I never saw him as a choice, not once. Nor, will I ever!

It takes a Village…or a Step-Mom!?!

You hear the saying “It takes a Village to raise a child” all the time. Everyone needs help, advice, even a shoulder to cry on when we epically fail, which we all do (even me).  I often find myself questioning why I have such an attachment to my StepChild and how its possible that I often forget that he is not biologically mine. When I look at him, he looks like my biological children, people say all the time, that if they didn’t know, they would never be able to tell.

Maybe, its because when he is in my lap, caressing my face, and saying “Mommy, I love you” my heart melts everytime. Honestly, though I think it has more to do with the fact that I can’t have children anymore, following a hysterectomy in 2007. So, in a sense I was blessed with another child, a dream and desire I so desperately had wanted but couldn’t create on my own.

So, in tottles this One year old baby boy, that at first, I’ll be honest didn’t want anything to do with me, and for me – it was WORK, because my children are so much older. When he would come to stay, it was hard, more involved, and through the months and now years, potty training, and terrible two’s, we grew into a mother and son. Do you even know how hard that is? Does anyone know how hard it is to love someone else’s child, someone who doesnt want you to kiss away booboo’s, or doesnt want you to hold them, feed them, etc…. and yet the two of us, WE DID IT!

Now, I’m the best booboo kisser, the ultimate make everything better person, and the one he wants all the time. I discipline him, I support him, and yes I have to be the mean mommy here and there….but kids need that, crave that even, and they grow much happier & content with that sense of normalcy, that is from structure.

So, makes me wonder if maybe I am supposed to be in this little man’s life. Like, God wanted another influence, another Village member, to help, to love, to guide, to help raise this wonderful little boy. Maybe, Stepmoms are angels – without wings, and with apron strings, extra special mommy powers, and a little dash of amazing. Maybe, thats why I feel like he is mine, because in a sense he is.

Some Mothers amaze me…and not in a good sense.

I just read an article where a mother wanted to know if she could have it court ordered and put in their legal papers that her daughter could not call dad’s girlfriend or future wife Mom! Are you kidding me, this is one of the many many things that is wrong with our society! Could you imagine being a lawyer and having someone come walking in, stating that of all things to be concerned with, that would be it?

How about that Daughter, who is obviously in the middle, and loves both women, and now she is being forced to change how she feels to be normal and loving towards someone whom cares for her in a motherly role.

This whole debate over whether it is acceptable or not, has ZERO to do with the child. Its is ALL about the mother, all about her insecurities, her low self confindence, needing control of her ex husband in some manner now that he is building a new relationship. Just because a child calls someone mom, doesnt mean they gave birth to her.

My daughters friends call me Mom, My husband has guy friends mothers, that he calls mom…its a term for someone, ANYONE that fulfills the role of the actions a mother takes. Does the SM, or Dads GF, take care of her, love her, provide for her, if so, who the (big F Word) cares! Seriously!

Its just literally chaps my tush that this is the concern these days, not that they are cared for, or getting things they need, schooling, clothing, doctor visits, dentist visits, proper hygiene, even coming of age topics…but no – it needs to be court ordered to not call someone mom.

I don’t think I will ever understand this unnatural distaste for someone loving your children!