Together we have become one – but are two very different people, and that is okay.

Today marks day 12 of the Love Dare, technically I should be on Day 13, but I struggled with one of the days. One of the reasons for doing this, and tracking the progress on my blog is to give those of you who think things might feel “impossible” a little help in seeing, it doesn’t have to be.

On Day 12, a portion of it says this:

No, you won’t always see eye-to-eye. You’re not supposed to be carbon copies of each other. If you were, one of you would be unnecessary. Two people who always share the same opinions and perspectives won’t have any balance or flavor to enhance the relationship. Rather, your differences are for listening to and learning from.

Truth is this is a HUGE relief! Sometimes the most common phrase I think to myself, and even at times spout with frustration and confusion is  “What in the hell do we have in common? We couldn’t be more opposite!” But, what a boring life that would be. Right?! Hearing that we aren’t supposed to be carbon copies made me not only feel better, but also made me proud of all the little things that I bring to our marriage – and forced me to look more in depth at what it is that my husband brings in as well. Shockingly – there are many 🙂

Yes, they bring in irritation, frustration, exes, baggage, past issues, BUT so do we. One of my biggest downfalls is control – I can (and most often do) better at things when it comes to the things I like done my way…get it – my way! Take for instance cleaning the house, when I am done my husband almost always asks “Is someone coming over?” he thinks you clean for company and just brush off the counters for normal days. Schedules with the kids are another difference, I am incredibly stressed when he is late getting home and the kids are alone – even though they are old enough to handle it.

The other day he went to pickup the youngest from daycare, and somehow talked with his cousin who runs the daycare for two hours – while the older two were home alone. Smoke was billowing out of my ears – I just couldn’t understand why, when he knew the kids were home alone, he wouldn’t grab the youngest and head straight home – I couldn’t understand that – because “I” would never do it. That doesn’t make him wrong..it is a difference. We get so stuck in how “we” feel, and how “we” would do things, that the attacks become personal instead of personal preference. He is not a bad dad, or husband because he did that – and because of this dare – I had to think before I reacted.

When you constantly tell someone they are doing things the wrong way – they begin to think they are never going to figure it out. That they are not what you and who you want.  My standards are really high, my expectations are higher than those standards – and as much as I would love for him to meet or exceed those, it is extremely unfair for me to expect him to. That is my issue – not his.

When you get married with a preexisting family on both sides – its more than just the normal work that a marriage takes. We struggle with parenting differences, discipline differences, food differences, etc… on both sides. I want the children on both sides to feel content within themselves, to feel good and happy with who they are – that is okay to cry – to feel upset – and give them the tools to self-repair after all is said and done. My husband thinks kids shouldn’t cry, especially boys – unless bleeding, dismemberment, or if maybe the Dallas Cowboys lose yet again! Neither of us are wrong, and we both want the child to learn key important lessons and ultimately are on the same side – however if we choose to – this can turn into an argument.  It is okay for boys to cry and show emotion, however no one likes a crybaby sue that makes it hard to tell if he is crying wolf or seriously hurt, Right?! I get it…

We do the best we can, with who and what we have to bring to the table. Patience, love and understanding go the distance that many couples without,  fall short on. We are not perfect, we are not supposed to be, and although together we make one person – we are two. This Love Dare is hard at times, because a lot of it is working on yourself – and when its a bad day and you want things to go your way for once – conceding and doing for them is hard. Reading one of the dares, I flat out said this is ridiculous – how is my bending over backwards to make him feel special and important going to fix him being a jerk and not giving me enough attention?? And, I was serious! Still am! However, in 13 days we haven’t had one nasty exchange, one heated argument or any fighting at all. To you, that may not a be a big deal, and to us at times that’s nothing either – because we have months where things go great. Just lately, we have been stuck in the months that marriage is simply stacking the odds against us.

I’ve read time and time again this quote that I love than most any quote about love:

love

 ― Louis de BernièresCaptain Corelli’s Mandolin

Truth is, 11 days ago I set the one I love free, and he came back to me. Today – that’s all I need.

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About Totally Jessifiable

This blog contains all the inner workings of me - the good the bad and the ugly. Although a majority of it is Step-Mom related since that is my current state of parenting along with my own children. There will be times of regress, moments of my childhood, good and bad that created the parent I am today - and there will be moments of utter happiness because I have made it through hell and back. This blog is real, it will hopefully make you angry, it will make you cry, it will make you laugh so hard you may pee your pants - its suppose to create a feeling within you - and I hope it does.

Posted on April 4, 2013, in Life, Love, Marriage & Divorce and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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