Day 2 – Kindness

“Fireproof doesn’t mean a fire will never come, but that when it comes you’ll be able to withstand it.”

Day one, dare one,  was easier than I thought – it was almost a calm before the storm in a sense. Staying busy at work, and visiting with friends kept me from the urge of texting, calling, questioning – or controlling. Towards the later part of the day my husband reached out to me, asked how my day was – and for a moment I thought about not responding. Then I remembered what I read about patience and kindness – and responded.

We ended up filling in for some friends in a kickball game, and then went to their home afterwards.  The house naturally divided as most do when you have many different couples, with children running throughout the house. The women stayed inside and the men huddled around a bonfire outside. We had a great night, we were together, yet not side by side. With the ladies, I laughed harder than I have laughed in months, mainly because the only thing I have done lately is cry. We laughed so hard, I couldn’t breath, and was reminded how vital girlfriends are, the ones that don’t judge – the ones that let you see them fail – just the same as offer a helping hand when you do. We are all the same. We shared those details no one talks about, the failures we keep hidden and insecurities that define our own personal sense of beauty and what makes us all unique.

That night I went to bed without having said one negative thing to my husband, not one nagging remark, and it felt good. Waking up the next morning, I was eager to see what day two was going to bring. Not only for my dare, but for my marriage.

Kindness

Day two kept the patience from day one, with the addition of kindness. Sounds pretty basic and easy enough right? Do you know how many people don’t practice either in their marriage at some point, if not many times? Think how you treat a common stranger, we hold the door for the person behind us, we use manners, and most often give more time than we have because they appear to need it. However, those that need it within our home, are last to get it, if at all. An excerpt from the book The Love Dare says this:

Initiative. Kindness thinks ahead, then takes the first step. It doesn’t sit around waiting to be prompted or coerced before getting off the couch. The kind husband or wife will be the one who greets first, smiles first, serves first, and forgives first. They don’t require the other to get his or her act together before showing love. When acting from kindness, you see the need, then make your move. First.

With that, Saturday’s dare was, In addition to saying nothing negative, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. While at a break between my daughters softball games at her tournament, I ran to a local sporting store to look at cleats for two of children. While I was standing in line to make my purchase, my eye caught the rack that held the Phiten Titanium braided sporting necklaces that my husband had mentioned he needed, because his had broken. Recently, he had decided to separate our finances, something that I was struggling with, and buying him anything right now honestly seemed unfair – but anyone who knows me also knows that I love spoiling my husband and kids…and in this case it did fall into the category of the dare. Stepping out of line, I grabbed him the necklace and then made my way back to the ball fields.

After getting their cleats, my son extremely excitedly, brought me the necklace with a raised eyebrow, nudging me in a manner to ask if it was his. His birthday is coming, and he expected it was his.  I need to make a mental note on that one, because talk about heart break when I said it wasn’t for him – you’d think I took his birthday away! Anyhow, when my husband joined us – I reached into my purse and handed him the necklace as nonchalantly as possible, I didn’t want it to seem as a reward, because I was still hurting and it seemed odd to be giving him a gift. He asked why I had done that, and put it on instantly. I explained I knew he had wanted one. Sitting there as he was messing with it, I waited for a thank you, a kind remark – anything…I’d keep waiting, and I had to be okay with that because the point wasn’t for a response, or to gain recognition. Gifts are to be given without expectation. It made me realize maybe, I expect more than we are supposed to.

Sitting there watching my daughter play ball, my son play at the park, the sun was shining and my husband was sitting beside me. That is where he chose to be that day, at that time, necklace or no necklace – so for me that is success for Day 2.

Have you shown your spouse Kindness today?

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About Totally Jessifiable

This blog contains all the inner workings of me - the good the bad and the ugly. Although a majority of it is Step-Mom related since that is my current state of parenting along with my own children. There will be times of regress, moments of my childhood, good and bad that created the parent I am today - and there will be moments of utter happiness because I have made it through hell and back. This blog is real, it will hopefully make you angry, it will make you cry, it will make you laugh so hard you may pee your pants - its suppose to create a feeling within you - and I hope it does.

Posted on March 25, 2013, in Life, Love, Marriage & Divorce and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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