The tenth, November 4th – 2011
Posted by Totally Jessifiable
Standing at my dresser looking at your photograph this morning, without even realizing, tears fell from my eyes. I don’t understand how I mourn along with the rest of everyone when I never met you. I’m not sure if it was because of your mothers post this morning, or the hard week Brandon has had, the silence Matt carries or how important and alive you still are inside all of those you loved. I will never tire of hearing stories about you, watching home videos of you building “perfect” snow tubing runs, or the day you married Cathy. I remember sitting with her and telling her that you can see the love you had for her in your eyes – there was no question she was who you wanted for life. Then, of course I told her that it’s kind of like Marrying Brandon because you both look so alike, I had to break the sappiness with a little humor. But, my reason for writing you today 10 years from your being taken – is to thank you.
Sitting up where you are, I’m sure you see more than I realize, and truth be told watching from your frame on our dresser I sometimes worry that I have disappointed you when Matt and I fight, or I’m being a brat for really no good reason at all. Ironic that I want you to be proud of me, and the wife I am to your son, though we have never met…but it is true.
Do you know that Matt stopped dead in the middle of the road one time, jumped out of the car and while I was freaking out (which I do quite often) he climbed back in the car with a flower he picked for me? Cathy told me you did the same for her. Do you know that if I am being cranky – he tickles me until I stop – which I hate, but does eventually make me laugh – Just like you did to Cathy? Do you know that Matt is kind and giving and would do anything for anyone – even the people he despises? Just like you. Do you know that he coached my Softball Team, and coached our Children’s Little League – Just like you? Do you know that he loves our children, as his own, though no blood bonds them – just like you? Or my very favorite – Do you know that although at times it is SUPER frustrating – every night before bed its like he drinks 15 energy drinks and literally as the kids are headed to bed – he grabs them and they wrestle, and tickle, and yell and play around – and every time I tell him to stop and let the kids go to bed – but I also know you did that too, and I appreciate it.
So, maybe that is why I feel a loss, because I’m married to a Man a lot like you, which makes me feel like though in flesh we have never met, in our hearts were well acquainted. It must be true that even after people pass, they continue on in the hearts of those they left behind. Thank you for loving Matthew and molding a man that loves our family, that makes life not so serious, that stops to spell the roses, and never forgets to say I love you before he leaves, even if we are fighting, who loves and respects his Mother, and who loves and misses you everyday.
With Love & Appreciation,
About Totally JessifiableThis blog contains all the inner workings of me - the good the bad and the ugly. Although a majority of it is Step-Mom related since that is my current state of parenting along with my own children. There will be times of regress, moments of my childhood, good and bad that created the parent I am today - and there will be moments of utter happiness because I have made it through hell and back. This blog is real, it will hopefully make you angry, it will make you cry, it will make you laugh so hard you may pee your pants - its suppose to create a feeling within you - and I hope it does.
Posted on November 4, 2012, in Father, Judgment and Loss, Life, Love, Parenting and tagged alike, best, brothers, dad, death, emotional, family, flowers, friendship, hard, husband, loss, Love, mother, playing, scared, sports, tribute, wife. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.