Mommy cries….

The second the pregnancy hormone entered by body – my cry-ometer cracked! Sitting on a couch Indian-style, eating a Subway Salami Sandwich, and cheddar pretzel combos, I cried over a McDonald’s commercial. From then on, it was all over. In my defense, this specific commercial was one that aired during the Christmas season and it was a boy who had left home, ran away, as was calling from a payphone to ask if he could come home – his parents of course welcomed him. I probably balled for a half an hour over that.  Then, slowly I migrated to movies like Steel Magnolias, StepMom, My Sisters Keeper, and who knows what else. All of which were public movie theater snot fests of tissue to the max!

Things I suppose just hit me hard, maybe harder than the rest. When happy things happen for someone, I cry! When sad things happen for someone, cry & cry some more. It isn’t specific to movies either – I can feel my heart-break when I read a forward that is especially touching, or singing along to a song in the car. I’ll even admit to tearing up when I see my kiddos get out of the car together and going to school!! I’m just an emotional person when momentous, touching, personal moments happen.

There are certain songs that literally make the inside walls of my heart feel like they are caving in, and like my stomach has been devoid of any nourishment for months. One being, our national anthem, crazy right? When I stand there with my hand over my heart, tears come through. Same with, God Bless the USA, when the part “I’m proud to be an american, where at least I know I’m free” tissues are NEEDED. Another tear-duct pleaser is “The Christmas Shoes” both the song and the movie – just breaks my heart in half those Christmas shoes!

My husband teases me mercifully when we are watching a show or movie and he will hear the initial “sniff”, followed by a “sniff, sniff” followed by using a sleeve to dab the eye – and then I feel his eyes burning into my head! Looking over, he is laughing, and my laughing on top of crying makes me cry more!! I’m just a crying mom I guess!

If someone pisses me off, like seriously, angrily pisses me off, I will cry too… Not usually in the moment – but after – like a rinse cycle almost!  My heart is used and abused, its been tested and retested, its been set up and broken, it’s also been repaired piece by piece numerous times. It has helped me birth my children, to look into their eyes for the very first time, to have their heart calmed by only my heartbeat, their love only matched by mine. It has been there through divorces, marriages, death and goodbyes. If you think about it your heart does a lot – beyond pumping blood – at-least metaphorically.

Crying isn’t a bad thing, it’s a release – it’s a cleansing and apparently far more accepted in society since I am girl – at least the last time I checked I was. Although, I tell my boys if they need to cry, cry. Within limits of course. My husband wouldn’t admit it, but he has cried a couple of times during our marriage – and NO, NOT ALL WERE BECAUSE OF ME – Thank you very much!  You’ll notice I said not ALL, so that leaves a small possibility of once, maybe twice. But, you didn’t hear that from me.

Honestly though, I’m okay with being a mommy that cries – because I know that  I feel, that I live, and that I love. Do you cry during a certain movie or song? If so which one?

See you next blog – Jess

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About Totally Jessifiable

This blog contains all the inner workings of me - the good the bad and the ugly. Although a majority of it is Step-Mom related since that is my current state of parenting along with my own children. There will be times of regress, moments of my childhood, good and bad that created the parent I am today - and there will be moments of utter happiness because I have made it through hell and back. This blog is real, it will hopefully make you angry, it will make you cry, it will make you laugh so hard you may pee your pants - its suppose to create a feeling within you - and I hope it does.

Posted on October 1, 2012, in Judgment and Loss, Love, Marriage & Divorce, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I’m completely with you on this! I cry when I’m happy, sad, angry. ASPCA commercials are banned in our home! I definitely try to hide it, and almost never sob. I remember reading an article about a dog that was being killed because of it’s possible breed, and breaking down into sobs in front of my baffled husband crying “Animals can’t protect themselves and people are sooooo mean!!” I also remember crying at work when I felt a colleague had pushed me around, and I didn’t have the knowledge of the topic being discussed to sufficiently fight back. (of course, not in front of said colleague) Anger definitely brought that one on. I have not yet accepted my predisposition to weep. I’m a very serious, logical person, and wish I could turn it off. Maybe one day I will be ok with it, as you seem to be. I was pregnant once, but unfortunately don’t have any biological children. I have a theory that that experience, and the death of my Mother when I was a teenager changed me forever, resulting in mercurial emotions. However, my Husband has two boys, age (nearly) 10 and 12. I have know them since they were 2 and 4, and been in their lives since they were 3 and 5. I have really appreciated reading your blog today, and will visit again!

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