I’m not perfect – but luckily neither is anyone else, right?! Truth is, sometimes I think I am right – or smarter – or better and I suppose at times that’s possible – but sometimes it’s not.
You know the girl, who hangs back – who doesn’t interact and is more of an observer? The one that may possibly get a little bit more involved or loud with a couple of lemon drops? That’s me! Jokingly, I’ll tell people I am not a people person – I am incapable of bullshit and can not be held responsible for whatever flies out of my mouth at any random moment – about any random topic! So, I stay back – observe and wait .
It used to be that I never liked someone the first time I met them, ever. You know the term – First impressions are everything?, well I needed two at least. Especially, if you were a woman – oh my goodness gracious can women be so catty, bitchy, and I mean down right ugly to be around. My Grandmother used to use the term “Pretty is as pretty does” and there are some ugly, ugly women out there. From reading previous posts of my mine, you may know that I am not huge on TRUST, and I’m sure that plays into that whole situation as well.
For the most part, I exist without being noticed, and I like that. I like being in the spotlight or limelight when its important, when I am standing up for something I strongly believe in, or when it is necessary – otherwise I am perfectly content in the back ground. When you see the girls that run up to their girlfriends and hug and squeal, that’s not me. When you see the girls who are always in a pack, wearing the same clothes, not me either! In fact I am so far the opposite that I will actually punish myself in order to make sure I don’t follow the others – I’m serious.
Take this for instance; I had decided to get my nose pierced which in and of itself its ridiculous because I am still traumatized from my second holes in my ear being pierced when I was twelve! But, that’s not the point. anyhow I had made the brave decision to do this and was going to go with my two closest girlfriends. They ended up going without me for whatever reason (I’m assuming it was a good one) and got theirs done. So, now – I won’t do mine. It irritated me that they did it, something I wanted to do, and now if I go do it, it’s just copying them – and I don’t copy! Pretty freaking lame, right?? I’m proving a point that hurts me? How dumb can I be, really? But that’s me –
If I have the opportunity to stay home alone, or go pal around with a friend for the day – I’ll stay home. Quiet is an amazing wonderful thing, especially having a family – I relish the unneeded, relaxing time of being alone. Just like in a car – I will drive somewhere on some days with no music on – just silence. Just me, my thoughts, and the road – which is good and bad – considering you arrive somewhere and wonder how in the hell you got there because you can’t remember the drive at all! However, in my defense I was raised by a grandfather that thought car rides were for quiet time, to reflect, and not for pointless chatter. Don’t get me wrong there are times, I blast my music loud, or chat with girlfriends – but there are also times for silence.
Part of the reason I am not a girly girl, or one that likes to hang around the same group of girls or couples is that I would rather not know them “that well”. Meaning, that I like grocery store friendships– as I call them. The kind where you smile and say hi, goochy goo to their baby, ask how they are, then go on your way. Nothing too personal, and best of all nothing too drawn out! People and their lives are much better left private in my mind. Assuming that their life is great – works for me. When you pal around with someone you learn all their demons, as they do you. You learn that their marriage isn’t perfect – which of course we all already know that – but you know what I mean. They call when all hell is breaking loose, and sooner or later you get to the point of where your involved, maybe in the middle and then BAM! just like that things are AWKWARD!
For me, if you’re doing something stupid, I am going to tell you. If you ask me something, I will be brutally honest and will not sugar coat anything – it is just not me. If you call me crying because your special someone just hit you and you don’t want him to leave you, I will give you two things. First, some sympathy because I was there before. Second, T&T – Truth and Tools and to get out. If you choose to stay, please understand why I choose to keep my distance as well. It’s not that I lack empathy or sympathy because I have gobs and gobs of it – but I know that until someone is ready to help themselves, there is no amount of sympathy that will help them. None what-so-ever~
For the most part – this is me. There are my solid life-long friendships I will always have and treasure – ones that get the good parts of me. For those I am thankful for, because I thrive in those, they fill me up and I hope I do the same for them. But, outside of that I am just the girl who stays back, who will have your back if needed and for the right reasons and is happy and used to fighting my way through being an original.
What do you think about Grocery Store Friendships?
See you next blog – Jess
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