What I want him to know…

One day without much notice this little blonde hair baby came totting into my home. Barely able to walk on your own, you were holding your daddy’s hand.  My life changed in that moment, almost the same as when you hear the words “you’re pregnant”. Except in my case, I didn’t have nine months to prepare. Didn’t spend countless hours searching for the perfect name, or daydreaming about whether you’d look like your father or me.  My body never carried you; I never felt your first kick or heard your first heartbeat. The love that created you, wasn’t mine, and the air you breath and the life you were given were not from me.  My heartbeat wasn’t the one you fell asleep to at night, and my voice wasn’t the one that would make you turn you head.                                                 

“There are a lot of things that I wasn’t – But listen to this instead”

Nine months of preparation was never needed with you, because you were someone I had prayed for all along. Countless hours are spent saying your name, sharing every funny little story, every sweet moment with whoever will listen to me share. Being just like your father, and having his smile and personality is all I could have ever hoped for.  The first time you laid your head on my chest, and fell asleep in my arms our heartbeats were one in the same. You were not someone else’s child; you in that moment became a part of me.  Your love was a gift to me, your innocence brought me youth, and your father showed me a completely new life.

You became a brother, and gained a big sister and brother.  Quickly you became best friends with your brother, and your sister couldn’t go anywhere without you.  They protected you, cared for you and loved you instantly, not because you were different, or special, or “extra” – instead it was because you are their brother.

Somewhere along the line, those nine months I lacked of worry and concern over how you would be or who you would be – I’ve made up tenfold.  Because when your heart hurts, mine does too. That’s why I want to say these things to you

My love for you is a bond that took time to create,

It’s not one that can be easily erased;

There will be times when you may have to choose,

My promise to you is to understand if I lose.

*****

My job as your stepmom is to understand,

I’ll always lend a helping hand;

Although my place may not be first,

I’ll be beside you through the worst.

*****

Your mother and I do have one thing we share,

Well two I guess to be honest & fair;

We of course share you, an adorable little man,

And we share moments of being your biggest fan.

Advertisements

About Totally Jessifiable

This blog contains all the inner workings of me - the good the bad and the ugly. Although a majority of it is Step-Mom related since that is my current state of parenting along with my own children. There will be times of regress, moments of my childhood, good and bad that created the parent I am today - and there will be moments of utter happiness because I have made it through hell and back. This blog is real, it will hopefully make you angry, it will make you cry, it will make you laugh so hard you may pee your pants - its suppose to create a feeling within you - and I hope it does.

Posted on September 8, 2012, in Love, Parenting, Stepparents and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

38 Pitches

Curt Schilling's Official Blog

Once Upon Your Prime

Where You Live Happily Ever Laughter!

Big Red Carpet Nursing

Fun & Progress!

Beautiful Life with Cancer

Discovering the Gift

Dadmissions

life surrounded by a wife and two girls

Humanity777's Blog

The Church of Christ

stepparentsperspective

The greatest WordPress.com site in all the land!

annotated audrey art

TUCSON ARTIST AND ILLUSTRATOR

Grady P Brown - Author

Superheroes - Autism - Fantasy - Science Fiction

Envision Your Future Online

Helping you Improve your Online Business

The Stepmonster

My Journey from Single Career Girl to Wife and Stepmother of Three

FighterZine

An E-Zine By And For Fibromyalgia Fighterz!

takingthemaskoff

Addiction, Mental Health, Stigma, Spirituality

Custody Struggles

This side of the story.

The Childless Stepmom

{ an advocate for wisdom & growth }

Deliberate Donkey

we're telling secrets here

taylor della-coletta

a teen, now twenty-something mom. artist. optimist. living life backwards.

%d bloggers like this: